More Stoopid People

Are people born stupid or do they grow into stupidity?

     When I watch some of those TV shows geared toward kids, they always potray the kids as being smarter than their parents. Well, let's be honest, smarter than their dads. It would be politically incorrect to have stupid women, but how smart can the women be if they marry such stupid men? Well, that's neither here nor there. Where it is exactly, I couldn't tell you. Why?

     Because I'm stupid.

     Anyway, if these kids on TV or in the movies are so smart, then at some point they must reach an age where their intelligence begins to reverse in direct proportion to the years that are flying by.

      For example, I was at the library not too long ago. I got there early, and saw a small group of people huddled at the door like the yearning masses the Statue of Liberty tells us about. I look at them, then I look at the library hours posted on the glass window to the right of the door, then I look at my watch. Hmm... I was early. So I join the tired and the poor, and wait for the library to open.

     In those fifteen minutes waiting for someone to unlock the doors, a few more people walked up. They see us, then they walk between those of us waiting to enter.
     "Is it locked?" some of them ask.
     "Yeah," some of us answer.
     But they make their way to the door anyway, pull on it, and are still surprised to find it locked.

     Need another example?
     The other day, my son-in-law and I took my grandson--his son (duh!)--to karate. The place opens at 1600 hours. That's 4pm to you non-military types. We get there before anyone, and I pull on the door. It's locked. My son-in-law looks inside. It's empty, so we wait.

      A few minutes later, another dad walks ups with his kid.

     "Is it locked?" he asks us.

     "Yeah, it's locked," I tell him

     "No one's inside," my son-in-law backs me up.

     Now, what does this Disney Dad do after we both tell him the door is locked and the place is empty? He tries to open the door (locked) and looks inside (empty). Then he turns and looks at us with a surprised look on his face.

     I wanted to ask him, "What are you? Stupid?" but I didn't want to embarrass him in front of his kid.

     Actually, I wanted to tell him something more Quentin Tarrantino-esque than that, but as my buddy Maloney once told me, "You can't help the stupid."

     He told me that when he was in the middle of complaining about a girlfriend who was giving him particular amount of trouble. You tell me who's stupider, the stupid girlfriend or the guy who's dating her? Of course that's not what I told him.

     "Yeah, you're right," is what I said. What I was thinking was: "This is more entertaining than reality TV."
     Years later, Maloney finally got married.
     "I gained a wife," he told me, "and I lost my Star Wars collection... to her son."
     The son in question is now in his early twenties and still living at home.
     The lock on Maloney's front door can be opened by key or by pressing a series of numbered buttons. To lock the door you only need to press one button. It's part of his alarm system. After his mother-in-law moved in, I think he got it to keep other in-laws from moving in. But anyway...
     His step-son is getting ready to graduate from college, and yet he can't seem to master the art of pressing that one button to lock the front door when he leaves. He'll say his goodbyes, leaves, and when Maloney checks the door later, it's unlocked. Occasionally, he'll even forget to lock the door when he comes in.
     "What is so hard about locking the door?" Maloney will ask me.
     "What are you asking me for?" I'll ask him back.
     Now, you tell me, who's stupider? The step-son who can't master locking the front door, or the guy who married that step-son's mom?

 

 

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