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Where's Harry Potter When You Need Him?

  First stop on our vacation was Universal Studios.       My family and I hadn't been there since two decades before The Great Toilet Paper Shortage, so I wasn't prepared for how it had changed.       To get there we had to drive through the area where L.A. had been rioting just the week before. Remember, kids, rioting is hard work, so don't forget to stop and smell the teargas.       Myself, I was hoping to liberate a big screen TV that was being unlawfully detained by the government, but apparently California cleans up nicely after a riot. When President Trump sent in the National Guard to settle things down, Gavin Newsom must have given them all brooms and told them to sweep up the place.       The last time we went to Universal Studios  in the early George Bush 2000s we stayed at the Holiday Inn owned by the lovely actress Beverly Garland. I remember her most for playing the mother of Laur...
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IKEA Is Not For MEA

      IKEA      Man, that’s a big store.       We don't have one in the town I live in, so we stopped on our way to the slap-dap-happiest place on earth.      "You can eat there," I've been told. "And it's  cheap! "      Well, cheap  is  my middle name, only I spell it E-d-w-a-r-d.      IKEA has gooey chocolate cake for $1.49. I didn't have any. While it was as inexpensive as promised, it was m ore like undercooked chocolate cake. Besides, while my heart might say yes to chocolate, my jeans say, "Have a salad instead."       They also have vegetarian meatballs. With peas, mashed potatoes, and cranberry sauce. They were  $3.99. I've never had vegetarian anything, but for that price I’d give them a try.      Sylt Lingon?       I don’t even know what that is.       Is it anything like the rock band Baru...
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Anthea's Hope--index

  INDEX Once upon a time I wondered how some old friends of mine were doing.    These were my old friends:       The Man Who Fell To Earth novel by Walter Tevis / movie by Nicolas Roeg        Stranger In A Strange Land novel by Robert E. Heinlein        2001: A Space Odyssey novel by Arthur C. Clarke / movie by Stanley Kubrick         Alien movie by Ridley Scott / screenplay by Dan O’Bannon        The Odyssey by Homer       Space Oddity song by David Bowie        Major Tom song by Peter Schilling       Moby Dick novel by Herman Melville        Star Trek: The Wrath Of Khan movie by Nicholas Meyer / screenplay by Jack B. Sowards       Sorry, couldn’t fit Star Wars in there....
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Disneyland! Re-Imagineered!

Dizneyland! (this story has been re-imagineered to protect the innocent and not because of any Cease & Desist papers I may have been served)         I love Dizneyland.       I go every chance I get.       My wife and kids, however, have long-since stopped going with me.       "If you're going to let a little thing like embarrassment stop you," I tell them, "you'll never do anything."       When they did go with me back in the day, we'd get in free.       "How?" you ask.       Well, like this: There's ALWAYS a long line at the ticket booth where you pay your entrance fee. While standing in that slow-moving line, I'd complain, loud enough for everybody around me to hear, "I'm hot. Are you hot?" and then, "I don't feel so good," and then, "I hope I'm not contagious."       After standing there ...
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Anthea's Hope--The Beginning As The End

The Beginning As The End      Far beyond the reach of Anthea’s reviving rains, the Star-Child hovered in the vastness of space.       A luminous sphere of pure consciousness.       Since parting ways with Elon Musk and Thomas Jerome Newton, it had watched their journey unfold. Its perception unbound by time or distance. From the lunar Monolith’s silent vigil to the Discovery One ’s dusty corridors. From the Nostromo ’s abandoned husk to Anthea’s first tentative droplets. The Star-Child observed it all. A tapestry of determination woven by a human visionary, an alien exile, and an inquisitive AI.      It saw Musk’s relentless detours. Each spark of curiosity igniting possibility. It saw Newton’s quiet resolve. His reunion with Lirien and Kaelis a fragile thread of hope stitched into Anthea’s dying fabric. It saw water flow. Clouds gather. The Antheans lifting their faces to the s...
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Dizzyland! The Slap-Dap-Happiest Place on Earth!

  My wife and kids refuse to travel with me any more.      "Why?" you ask.      Because I'm a man who enjoys life at a discount.       My wife calls that being cheap, but I'm not cheap... I'm frugal.      We just got back from Dizzyland.  The last time I was there, the LGBT+ were there for Rainbow Weekend. Or it was some law-enforcement convention. I've noticed they both have the same look.      Sadly, next time I'll be going alone.      Still, I'll have fun.      "How?" you ask.      Because, as everybody knows, Dizzyland is the slap-dap-happiest place on Earth. Dizzyland started as the lifelong dream of Walt White, a high-school chemistry teacher who, when he discovered he had cancer, decided to break bad and secure his family's future by cooking and selling crystal meth, and the fortune he made allowed him build Dizzyland...
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We All Have Those Days

  I was out of it.       But it wasn't my fault.       Not Really.      My wife woke me up from a perfectly good nap so she could send me to buy our youngest daughter some Asian food from Panda Express. Hard to believe I retired just so I could be my family's personal Uber Eats guy.       By the way, did you know that pandas poop  more  than they eat? It's true, but it's disgusting and I'm digressing...      I don't usually nap, because then I'll have a hard time falling to sleep that night, but we had a big weekend. I went to the funeral of a buddy of mine's father on Friday, a baby shower on Saturday, left the baby shower early to go to a graduation dinner, a swimming party on Sunday, so, yeah, I was pooped.       "Send me a text of what you want," I told my youngest daughter, because, according to my wife I have two faults: not paying attent...
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