Are you okay?
I recently read about some guy who died when he fell 400 feet into the Grand Canyon, and when I told Dad about it earlier today, he worried that it might be you. He worried that you probably survived and would be dropping by to ask him for money.
I recently read about some guy who died when he fell 400 feet into the Grand Canyon, and when I told Dad about it earlier today, he worried that it might be you. He worried that you probably survived and would be dropping by to ask him for money.
"Hopefully, it's him," he told me.
"I'm sure it's not him, Dad. The only thing dead about him is his..."
Which reminds me...
I saw a commercial for Cialis. There was this grey-haired coupled frolicking in their swimming pool, getting kind of frisky, and the announcer said: "When things start to get serious, the last thing you want to do is stop and take a pill."
And I thought to myself, "Yeah, buddy, the last thing you want to do is stop and take a pill, because it's not like you're going to get lucky once you get out of the water."
Why not? you ask.
Well, the first clue is that they're married.
After that, by the time they get out of the pool, dry off, go inside, make sure the elderly parent they're taking care of doesn't need anything, go into their bedroom, take turns in the bathroom, and then see each other naked... by that time the wife will have lost interest.
And I thought to myself, "Yeah, buddy, the last thing you want to do is stop and take a pill, because it's not like you're going to get lucky once you get out of the water."
Why not? you ask.
Well, the first clue is that they're married.
After that, by the time they get out of the pool, dry off, go inside, make sure the elderly parent they're taking care of doesn't need anything, go into their bedroom, take turns in the bathroom, and then see each other naked... by that time the wife will have lost interest.
"You want a grilled-cheese sandwich?" the wife will ask her husband, distracting him.
"Sure," the husband will say, realizing that it's just as well. If he can't have what he wants, he might as well have a sandwich.
Which brings me to Bill Cosby.
He was/is a celebrity, and when you're a celebrity it doesn't matter what color you are or how ugly you are, when you're a celebrity somebody will be willing to have sex with you.
Take Ike Turner, for example, of Ike & Tina Turner fame. Hollywood made a whole MOVIE about how physically and emotionally abusive he was to Tina Turner, and after the movie was released, who did he have on his arm? A pretty blonde girlfriend. Even a short stint in prison for an unrelated charge didn't keep him from finding someone new to beat up once he got out.
So I don't understand why Bill Cosby felt like he had to drug anybody. Now, if it was his wife saying he drugged her to have sex with her...
He was/is a celebrity, and when you're a celebrity it doesn't matter what color you are or how ugly you are, when you're a celebrity somebody will be willing to have sex with you.
Take Ike Turner, for example, of Ike & Tina Turner fame. Hollywood made a whole MOVIE about how physically and emotionally abusive he was to Tina Turner, and after the movie was released, who did he have on his arm? A pretty blonde girlfriend. Even a short stint in prison for an unrelated charge didn't keep him from finding someone new to beat up once he got out.
So I don't understand why Bill Cosby felt like he had to drug anybody. Now, if it was his wife saying he drugged her to have sex with her...
...but back to the Cialis commercial...
The commercial was for a daily version of the pill. I guess you (I mean "you" in general, not "you" in particular) take one pill every day so you'll be ready for when the opportunity to have sex presents itself. I say...
...why live a life of constant disappointment?
You'll take the pill, and then, just before you fall asleep, you'll think, "Another day without sex."
Once you finish the prescribed bottle of 120 pills, just before you throw the bottle away, you'll think, "120 days without sex."
You'll also think about the money you've just wasted.
"Dang," you'll think to yourself, "I could've used that money to buy myself a new water floss machine."
Day after day, week after week, month after month, bottle after bottle, it will go on.
I say, stick with the Viagra. It's good for four hours. You take a pill, and it takes 15 minutes to work. You know what that means, don't you? It means your wife will be getting 15 minutes of foreplay.
Lucky her.
But remember, the one thing you have to have when you take Viagra is a girl who won't change her mind. I don't know what Viagra costs, but I'm sure with the money you've wasted you could have bought something delicious at Starbucks, and I'm not just saying that because they're paying me to.
Be careful, though, because when you're on this kind of medication you might have an erection that lasts more than four hours. Why this is a bad thing, I don't know, but what I do know is that if you have an erection that last more than four hours you're supposed to tell your doctor. I don't think this will be a problem for you, because if you get an erection that lasts more than four hours, I'm sure you'll be telling everybody.
I once had a buddy at work, and one day I made the mistake of asking him how he was doing. He went on to tell me that he just came back from seeing a doctor. The poor guy was happy because the doctor gave him some Cialis samples, and he was telling everyone at work who couldn't walk away fast enough.The commercial was for a daily version of the pill. I guess you (I mean "you" in general, not "you" in particular) take one pill every day so you'll be ready for when the opportunity to have sex presents itself. I say...
...why live a life of constant disappointment?
You'll take the pill, and then, just before you fall asleep, you'll think, "Another day without sex."
Once you finish the prescribed bottle of 120 pills, just before you throw the bottle away, you'll think, "120 days without sex."
You'll also think about the money you've just wasted.
"Dang," you'll think to yourself, "I could've used that money to buy myself a new water floss machine."
Day after day, week after week, month after month, bottle after bottle, it will go on.
I say, stick with the Viagra. It's good for four hours. You take a pill, and it takes 15 minutes to work. You know what that means, don't you? It means your wife will be getting 15 minutes of foreplay.
Lucky her.
But remember, the one thing you have to have when you take Viagra is a girl who won't change her mind. I don't know what Viagra costs, but I'm sure with the money you've wasted you could have bought something delicious at Starbucks, and I'm not just saying that because they're paying me to.
Be careful, though, because when you're on this kind of medication you might have an erection that lasts more than four hours. Why this is a bad thing, I don't know, but what I do know is that if you have an erection that last more than four hours you're supposed to tell your doctor. I don't think this will be a problem for you, because if you get an erection that lasts more than four hours, I'm sure you'll be telling everybody.
"Do you know how expensive they are?" he asked me.
"No," I told him, "but I'm sure you're going to tell me."
Offended, he didn't tell me, but they must have been very, judging by how delirious with happiness he was that he got them for free.
What I thought was: "Why are you telling me that your little soldier can't salute, buddy?"
What I said was: "You wouldn't happen to be one of my brother-in-laws, would you?"
Me, I'd never admit to anything like that.
If I had to take a pill, I would just pretend to yawn and put it secretly in my mouth.
And then I'd tell my wife to get ready for fifteen minutes of Heaven.
Raising My Father
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jimduchene.BlogSpot.com American Chimpanzee
@JimDuchene
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