My Dad's quite a character. And so is Sophia, Maloney's mother-in-law .
Maloney works during the week, but on weekends he'll get up and cook everyone breakfast. One particular morning, he made everyone chicken and egg burritos. When everybody was well-fed and off to their own rooms, his mother-in-law offered to do the dishes.
"That's nice of her," Maloney thought to himself. And then he went off to go pick his nose or something.
Sophia's helpful that way. She's always offering to throw out the trash or pick up the dog poops from the backyard. The only problem with her doing the dishes, however, is that her eyesight is bad, so she can't see what a lousy job she's done. Then Gail, Maloney's wife, waits for her mom to go to her 2nd favorite room in the house, and she'll wash the dishes all over again.
"That's wasting water, mom," their youngest daughter chastises them.
"Fine," Gail will tell her. "If you want to eat off these dishes, be my guest."
"No way, mom!" she'll say, and then run off before her mom can make her wash the dishes.
When he got back, the dishes were done, and all loaded in the dishwasher just like Gail told her to do. (Sophia and Gail are old-school. They like to wash the dishes the old-fashioned way... by hand.) Maloney looked for the frying pan, and found it next to the stove... sitting on the shiny granite counter!
In case you're wondering what the big deal is, a frying pan is heavy and has a coarse bottom. If you place it on a granite counter there's the possibility that you'll scratch that granite counter. In fact, I would say that there's more than a possibility. There's a definite probability that the counter will be scratched. Eventually.
If I haven't made my point yet, the frying pan was ON the granite counter. While, just inches away, was the STOVE. It would have take NO effort to have just placed the heavy, coarse frying pan on the stove, where it belongs. But for some reason Sophia chose NOT to.
The mistake Maloney made was telling her about it. Usually, he'll just tell his wife, and Gail will pass on the bad news.
"Sophia," Maloney told his mother-in-law. "When you wash the dishes, don't put the frying pan on the granite counter. You'll scratch it."
"What?"
"When you wash the dishes, DON'T put the frying pan on the granite counter. You'll scratch it."
"What?"
Sophia's hearing is as selective as my Dad's, so Maloney had to speak louder.
"Don't Put The Frying Pan On The Counter!" Maloney yelled.
And THAT'S when his wife happened to walk into the kitchen. His mother-in-law got all weepy-eyed, and said, "But I dried it."
Gail was giving Maloney the stink eye by then, but Maloney was already committed to making his point.
"It doesn't matter that it's dry," he tried to explain. "Water doesn't scratch the granite. The frying pan scratches the granite. Just put the pan on the stove where it belongs."
Sophia turned to her daughter.
"But I dried it," she told her.
"Yes, mom," Gail comforted her, and led her back to her room, occasionally looking back at Maloney to give him dirty looks.
"I don't even know what you're complaining about, Maloney," I told him. We've kind of developed an Elderly Parent War Story competition.. "Early this morning I told my Dad that we were going out for lunch at 12:00. He must have asked us four times when we were going out for lunch. Twelve I told him over and over again. Twelve o-clock. 9:30 comes around and he's already dressed and sitting in his--my--favorite chair watching the minutes tick by. So we had to watch him, for two and a half hours, just sit there. Waiting. The television wasn't even on."
Is this what we'll eventually become? Old men with nothing better to do than watch the hands move on a clock? I mean, in addition to leaving the stove on and forgetting to close or lock the doors?Maloney works during the week, but on weekends he'll get up and cook everyone breakfast. One particular morning, he made everyone chicken and egg burritos. When everybody was well-fed and off to their own rooms, his mother-in-law offered to do the dishes.
"That's nice of her," Maloney thought to himself. And then he went off to go pick his nose or something.
Sophia's helpful that way. She's always offering to throw out the trash or pick up the dog poops from the backyard. The only problem with her doing the dishes, however, is that her eyesight is bad, so she can't see what a lousy job she's done. Then Gail, Maloney's wife, waits for her mom to go to her 2nd favorite room in the house, and she'll wash the dishes all over again.
"That's wasting water, mom," their youngest daughter chastises them.
"Fine," Gail will tell her. "If you want to eat off these dishes, be my guest."
"No way, mom!" she'll say, and then run off before her mom can make her wash the dishes.
When he got back, the dishes were done, and all loaded in the dishwasher just like Gail told her to do. (Sophia and Gail are old-school. They like to wash the dishes the old-fashioned way... by hand.) Maloney looked for the frying pan, and found it next to the stove... sitting on the shiny granite counter!
In case you're wondering what the big deal is, a frying pan is heavy and has a coarse bottom. If you place it on a granite counter there's the possibility that you'll scratch that granite counter. In fact, I would say that there's more than a possibility. There's a definite probability that the counter will be scratched. Eventually.
If I haven't made my point yet, the frying pan was ON the granite counter. While, just inches away, was the STOVE. It would have take NO effort to have just placed the heavy, coarse frying pan on the stove, where it belongs. But for some reason Sophia chose NOT to.
The mistake Maloney made was telling her about it. Usually, he'll just tell his wife, and Gail will pass on the bad news.
"Sophia," Maloney told his mother-in-law. "When you wash the dishes, don't put the frying pan on the granite counter. You'll scratch it."
"What?"
"When you wash the dishes, DON'T put the frying pan on the granite counter. You'll scratch it."
"What?"
Sophia's hearing is as selective as my Dad's, so Maloney had to speak louder.
"Don't Put The Frying Pan On The Counter!" Maloney yelled.
And THAT'S when his wife happened to walk into the kitchen. His mother-in-law got all weepy-eyed, and said, "But I dried it."
Gail was giving Maloney the stink eye by then, but Maloney was already committed to making his point.
"It doesn't matter that it's dry," he tried to explain. "Water doesn't scratch the granite. The frying pan scratches the granite. Just put the pan on the stove where it belongs."
Sophia turned to her daughter.
"But I dried it," she told her.
"Yes, mom," Gail comforted her, and led her back to her room, occasionally looking back at Maloney to give him dirty looks.
"I don't even know what you're complaining about, Maloney," I told him. We've kind of developed an Elderly Parent War Story competition.. "Early this morning I told my Dad that we were going out for lunch at 12:00. He must have asked us four times when we were going out for lunch. Twelve I told him over and over again. Twelve o-clock. 9:30 comes around and he's already dressed and sitting in his--my--favorite chair watching the minutes tick by. So we had to watch him, for two and a half hours, just sit there. Waiting. The television wasn't even on."
"Is that the best you got?" Maloney snorted. "I found out the hard way that Sophia doesn't close the door when she goes to the bathroom late at night."
Okay, Maloney, you win.
For now.
Raising My Father
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@JimDuchene
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