All he wanted was to go on a nice vacation with his wife.
Of course, they'd have to take their youngest. She was twelve and couldn't be left behind. In fact, being twelve, she wanted to invite her best friend, who was also twelve.
That was no problem.
A vacation for four. Two adults and two kids. That would make for a nice time. But... of course... there was a complication.
His middle daughter, who was 20 and had already declared her independence by moving out (only to move back in a few months later when she discovered how expensive independence was), when she found out they were going to Disneyland, was quick to reintroduce herself into the family. That was no problem, either. She was a good kid, with a good heart, and was fun to be with.
Boswell, his 24-year-old step-son, was also quick to assume he was invited. It didn't occur to him that he was a grown-ass man who could afford to go on vacation--since he was still being supported by his mother--anywhere in the world he was inclined to go any time he wanted. Why he was inclined to leech onto a Disneyland vacation with two twelve-year-old girls, Maloney couldn't understand.
At the age of 24, Maloney was busy moving back to the United States after finishing college in Germany. Maloney's father was a General in the Army, and was in charge of a military base there. When his father was re-assigned (if that's what you call it) back to the U.S., Maloney decided to stay in Germany and finish his education, and maybe even take a few college courses besides.
I could sympathize. I moved out of my parents house at 18. When I graduated from high school, I decided to put what I learned in my geography class to use and put as much of it between me and a house I couldn't bring home a date to so I could put to use what I learned in my health class. So, at Maloney's step-son's age, I would have LOVED a house free of parents and younger sisters. Maloney felt the same way. Maloney's step-son...
...well, the great love of his life seems to be his iPhone. At an age where Maloney and I were changing our addresses and phone numbers to avoid unwanted pregnancies, Boswell's phone was keeping him warm late at night.
And there were still more complications.
Maloney's mother-in-law.
At 70 years of age, SHE had to be taken along, too.
She had only taken care of herself for the last 70 years, but her daughter--Maloney's wife, Gail--saw her mother like she saw her two oldest children... like babies.
Sophia, her mother, had already made the mistake of leaving the burner of the stove on once, but that was enough for Gail not to trust her at home by herself for any length of time. Gail didn't want to go on vacation, only to come back to a house burnt to the ground like a crispy critter.
Besides, Sophia liked to go on walks several times a day, and left the front door unlocked so she could let herself back in, because Gail didn't trust her with a key to the house, either. Part of this was because when Gail was a single mother and Boswell was about 5-years-old, they were living with her mom, and Gail had bought her son one of those toy electric cars, that young kids can drive around in, for his birthday. Not too long after, she came home from work one day and her son's toy car was missing.
Her mother had given her grandson's toy car to her low-life boyfriend, Henry, so he could give it to HIS grandson.
"Can you believe that?" Maloney asked me when he told me the story.
I grunted some kind of a reply, because Maloney's stories kind of go on past the point where they're no longer interesting before he gets to his point, so my mind had already wandered off and was doing something interesting, like math.
Which is a long way to say that Maloney's mother-in-law was going with them on vacation, whether she wanted to or not and whether he wanted her to or not.
"To tell the truth," Maloney told me, telling me the truth, "she probably doesn't even want to go."
His theory was that she'd prefer staying home so she could finally let her low-life boyfriend in through the front door for the change, instead of sneaking him in through the window.
Allegedly.
So what should have been a pleasant vacation for four, quickly became a vacation for four plus three grown-ass adults. Three hungry, expensive, grown-ass adults.
All of a sudden, my life raising my 94-year-old father doesn't seem so bad.
Raising My Father
RaisingMyFather.BlogSpot.com
jimduchene.BlogSpot.com Fifty Shades of Funny
@JimDuchene
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