Don't Waste My Time (Part Two)

"I think you're just looking for things to complain about," I told Maloney.
     "No, I'm not," he said.
     "Yes, you are."
     "No, I'm not."
     I let it end there because he was starting to sound like one-half of an Abbott & Costello routine.
     I understand Maloney's point. When you're doing something unpleasant, the last thing you want is someone standing over your shoulder asking dumb questions (In school they taught me that there's no such thing as a dumb question, but life has taught me otherwise.), so, when Maloney had the unhappy task of wiping up what was obviously dog urine, he didn't need his mother-in-law asking him for a chemical analysis.
     You know how to break someone of the habit of looking over your shoulder and asking dumb questions? You give them something to do. It's amazing how fast people learn magic and disappear when you ask them to help you do something.
     "Remember when I told you how she eats one of my pigs," he continued, talking about a gingerbread-shaped pig that they sell at the bakery. His wife buys him two, one for immediate consumption and one for work a day or two later.
     "Yeah. So what?"
     "Well, now she's eating BOTH of them. She eats hers, and then she eats the one I'm saving for work."
     "At the same time?"
     "No, she'll eat it a day or two later."
     I think about that.
     "Maybe when she doesn't see you eat it right away, she thinks you don't want it."
     "But I DO want it. I'm just saving it for work."
     There was no arguing with Maloney, but he wasn't done yet.
     "And she tells me EVERYTHING. When she gets up, she'll tell me that she's getting up. When she sits down, she'll tell me she's sitting down. When she takes the dogs out, she can SEE me SEE her taking them out, and she STILL tells me she's taking them out. What am I going to do, tell her she can't take out the dogs? That I WANT them to pee in the house?"
     You know, Maloney's a good guy but you would think he'd have better examples than the ones he tells me about if he wants to waste his time complaining.
 
 

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