RaisingDad

By the many stories I've told you, it may sound like my father got pulled over a lot for speeding, and maybe he did, but I take full responsibility for that.      You see, my brother and I were  very rambunctious as young boys, and he had to spend half of his driving time threatening us in the backseat to get us to stop fighting with one another.      It was a stormy night, as this memory takes place, and my father had pulled to the side of the road because a police officer had pulled us over. In his yellow rain slicker, it was obvious the police officer was not happy to be doing his job.      "Isn't it stupid of you to be speeding with your family in the car with you?" he tried to chastise my father.      My father isn't one to be chastised.      "Stupid? Me?" he told the police officer. "YOU'RE the one standing in the rain."   ...

as featured in Desert Exposure Magazine desertexposure.com     Lest you think I consider my father a burden, I don't.      It's just if all I wrote about were unicorns and rainbows, both you and I would be bored. Besides, I find everything my father does incredibly entertaining. Maybe not at the time, but, you know, when I look back. Now I understand the saying, "I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you." I'm not laughing at my father, because I'm just like him. I'm laughing with him, because I can see what the future has in store for me.       Old age takes pity on no one.     One of the reasons we bought this particular house is because it had a small guest house in the front where we knew my father could live and have his privacy. It was a way for him to keep his independence, yet let us keep an eye on him at the same time. In his home away from home he has his own TV with its own...

My grandson, who's a pretty bright kid (he gets it from me), was telling me how he was learning about fire safety at school.      He's in single digits, and they were teaching him about Stop-Drop-And-Roll, dialing 9-1-1, and that it's "Smokey Bear," not "Smokey the Bear."      Testing his knowledge, I asked him, "What would you do if your school clothes were on fire?"      Probably remembering how his mother lays them out for him in the morning, he said, "I'd leave them on the bed."     Raising My Father RaisingMyFather.BlogSpot.com JimDuchene.BlogSpot.com  American Chimpanzee @JimDuchene   

I’ve told you how my buddy Maloney and his wife ended up living together...      ...but I've never told you how they got married.    Maloney was laid low with an aggressive bout of the flu, and Gail moved in to take care of him. Unfortunately, once he got better, she never moved out. As far as I could tell, her taking care of him consisted of Maloney sleeping the entire day and Gail eating bonbons and watching TV.    But that’s neither here nor there.    Well, maybe not here, but it DID end up there. At the Justice of the Peace, I mean. Where the two of them entered only the first of what’s considered a trifecta of fine institutions. Prison being the second, and a mental facility being the third.    “You’re already living together,” I pointed out. “Why get married?”    “It’s a case of opposites attracting,” he told me. “SHE’S pregnant, and I’m not.”     Raising...

I've heard those stories of me being a crybaby as an infant.      And they're probably true.      You have to blame our oldest sister for that. As an baby, she got me used to being rocked to sleep on a pillow on her lap. The way she got her husband used to it after they were married.      “It was either that,” she once told me, “or have sex with him. I didn’t do it four times, and look what happened. We had four kids.”      “Why didn’t you do it those four times?” I asked her.      “He took off his shoes and I passed out from the smell,” she said. “It was a trick he learned from Bill Cosby.”      I remember talking with our beloved late mother once, asking her about how difficult it was for her to take care of the many kids she had, and she said you were the easiest to take care of.      “He was?” I said, surprised. ...

I bet you’re getting plenty of “bedroom points” with all the fussing you’re having to do with the insurance company over this water leak situation. Showing your wife your files and transcripts and all the work you've had to do must be a real turn-on for her.      “Honey, I just got off the phone with the adjuster, and he told me...”      “Hang on. Give me a chance to put on my earplugs.”     Raising My Father RaisingMyFather.BlogSpot.com JimDuchene.BlogSpot.com  American Chimpanzee @JimDuchene  

I had forgotten about your ex-wife's older brother.       It makes me wonder even more if they all had the same father. Four kids, and all four look different and have different personalities.      Kind of like Princess Di’s two boys. One looks like Prince Charles, and the other looks like Princess Di’s red-headed bodyguard.       My granddaughter is happy going to school. She loves playing and making friends. Poor thing, but she gets up at 6am to leave the house by 7 to get to school at 8. The good thing is she’s an early riser. Radford Academy is in the central part of our city, but the morning traffic can be a pain. Leave at 7am and you’re fine. Leave at seven-oh-five, and your fighting with everybody else who’s trying to get to work. It reminds me of one time when I was in California. We were at a softball game somewhere south of where you lived. The games were over. Your wife...