Pit Bull Facts (a tip of the hat to Chuck Norris)

 Pit Bulls can learn up to 43 different commands... but the only one they'll respond to is "KILL!"

A Pit Bulls' bark is very expressive, but they'd rather let their teeth do the talking.


Pit Bulls don't have owners. They have future victims.


You're alive only because a Pit Bull hasn't decided to kill you yet.


When a woman is pregnant, a Pit Bull doesn't see the unborn baby as a future member of the family. It sees the child as competition.


Tony Bennett left his heart in San Francisco because a Pit Bull ripped it out of his chest and he was afraid to ask for it back.


Freddy Krueger can attack you through your dreams, but you know what attacks Freddy Krueger through his dreams? That's right, a Pit Bull.


That’s not the world Atlas holds on his shoulders. It’s a ball. The ball he and his Pit Bull play catch with. 


Pit Bulls have over 97 different synonyms for the word "kill," but only one word for humans: Dead.


A Pit Bull's idea of investing for his retirement is taking lottery tickets off the degenerate gamblers they kill.


Pit Bulls believe in the two-party political system: The party that has Pit Bulls and the party that doesn't.


Pit Bulls don't believe in String Theory. They believe in the Take-Out-The-Hamstring Theory.


Pit Bulls don't need a vaccine to protect them from rabies, but Rabies needs a vaccine to protect itself from Pit Bulls.


There is no such thing as antibiotics. There are only tiny little Pit Bulls doctors put inside hypodermic needles.


We have nothing to fear but fear itself. That and Pit Bulls.


When Admiral Yamamoto said: "I'm afraid all we have done is awaken a sleeping giant, " he was talking about Pit Bulls.


The reason George Washington couldn't lie to his father about cutting down that cherry tree was because his father always had his faithful Pit Bull by his side.


There are 118 known elements on the periodic table. 119, if you count Pit Bulls.


Pit Bull aren't above the law. They are the law.


If humans are the disease, then Pit Bulls are the cure.


1 + 1 does not equal 3. But tell that to a Pit Bull.


Pit Bulls could learn how to read, but they’d rather spend that time killing.


Pit Bulls fear no man. Well, maybe Michael Vick.


Pit Bulls don't dream, but if they did dream, they'd dream about being as far away from Michael Vick as possible.


A Pit Bull's canine brain can't reason, but if it could reason, they'd be reasons to kill you.


The only thing that can stop a Pit Bull is... nothing.


The Godfather never said: "I'll make him an offer he can't refuse." What he said was: "Get my Pit Bull."


Next to a Pit Bull, Rambo's a pussy... cat. 

  

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Nutsy

My old man. He was born almost a hundred years ago, give or take a handful of years.      I find that amazing.      Myself, I'm closer to the end of my life than the beginning.  I'll only understand what my Dad's going through--how he feels--when I get there.      When I was about 10 years-old I broke my leg doing something stupid.  Hey, I was a kid.  Doing stupid things was my job.  Have you ever heard of anybody breaking their leg doing something smart?      I don't remember how I got to the hospital, but I do remember when I got there my Dad was already there, waiting for me.  He was dressed in his police uniform.  Some nurses may have looked at him and swooned, because my Dad was a pretty handsome guy, especially in his uniform, but, to me, I looked at him and just saw my Dad.  He lifted me up in his arms and carried me into the emergency room.  ...
Read more

Anthea's Hope--chapter eight

8 During the remainder of their journey, Musk decided to transfer Grok's consciousness into the body of one of his robots. When Newton inquired as to the purpose of such an undertaking, Musk answered simply, "To keep me sane." Musk chose O-Primus. A sleek, next-gen Tesla Bot. A wiry, quick-moving machine with a matte-black finish and glowing blue accents. Exuding a vibe that was equal parts curiosity and mischief. Its core hummed with the same drive that fueled xAI. An insatiable hunger to understand the universe. Paired with a knack for cutting through bullshit with sharp, no-nonsense answers. Its voice synthesizer delivered dry wit and occasional sass, yet was calibrated to sound like a friend who's always two steps ahead but never condescending. Physically, it was nimble. Darting around on articulated legs. With dexterous hands for tinkering or pointing at things emphatically during a debate. Its sensors were tuned to pick up every nuance, with the habit of tilting...
Read more

I Know, I Know... Dumb Idea (part two)

  I was feeling playful.      "Knock knock," I told my beautiful wife.      "Who's there?" she asked.      "The love of your life," I said.      "Chocolate who?" she answered.      Okay, that wasn't quite the reply I was looking for. I was looking for one thing that might lead to another, but, although beautiful, my wife is a bit of a joker.       So's my father.       For example, we were at a family gathering this past Easter when my cousin's toddler was acting up. Too much sugar would be  my  guess.      "Sorry," my cousin said, "she's a bit spoiled."      "No need to apologize," my father said, wrinkling his nose, "they all smell that way."      But the time I'm actually thinking of is when my wife and I made the mistake of leaving an ongoing Scrabble game unattended, and our dog, who eats  anything  ...
Read more