RaisingDad

     I have no luck getting it to work, and my wife now wants to buy my Dad a new TV.      Buy him a new TV ?      "He never watched the old one," I tell my wife when we're back in the kitchen.  "He is always in the great room watching the family set." I say "watching," but what I really mean is "hogging."       "He likes to listen to his music," she counters.      Is she telling me that a thousand bucks have to be spent so my Dad can listen to music on one of the music channels on the TV? There's a cheaper alternative to that:  Listen to it on the radio. He already has one of those, and it works pretty good when he doesn't lower the volume and think it's broken. Besides, I know who's going to end up getting stuck paying for my Dad's new TV.      Today my wife invites me to go to Costco with her. ...

So I check the TV out.      ""It just quit working," my Dad is chattering from some place far away.      Actually, he's only about two feet away, but I'm trying to ignore all the chatter and figure out what the problem is.      "I didn't do anything to it."      First things first, I check to make sure the TV is plugged in. I know it is, but, well, you never know. Maybe it's not. But it is.      "I didn't touch it."      I ask my wife if she could please go get me two AA batteries. When faced with a problem, it's best to eliminate the easy stuff first.      "I don't know why it's not working."      The only thing I know for sure is that, for some reason, the TV has no power.      "It should work..."      I look around. Everything that's electrical and should ...

     Just shoot me, right between the eyes... twice.        Remember the incident with my Dad's radio not working? And the reason was something as simple as the volume not being turned up? Well, a few days ago, my Dad tells my wife that his ( his? ) TV isn't working. My wife, who likes to read mystery novels and fancies herself quite the detective, goes into his room to conduct her investigation.      Yep, it won't turn on.      Somehow, I  get involved in it.      "Honey," my wife says, using her sweet-as-honey voice. I know something's up. "Your dad's TV isn't working."      "I guess it's time for him to buy himself a new one," I tell her. Kidding, but not really.      "No, really. Can you check it out for him?"      "What's the point?"  ...

I like to hike.      When I hike my mind wanders off in many unrestricted directions. I don't control it, I just let it take me back into what could have been my future. Meandering down all the different avenues my life could have taken is one of the top five reasons why I like to get away, sit in the middle of nowhere, recall the good life, and imagine what might have been. It's the same driving along the long, lonely roads by myself to nowhere in particular. No blab, blab, blab from love ones to interrupt my thoughts.      Many moons ago, it was my senior year in high school and I was dating the Wicked Witch of the West Coast. To make a long story short, we had a fight (which was nothing new) and were broken up (which was also pretty common). Too bad it wasn't the final break up, but I do realize that if it had been, then I wouldn't be the man I am today, living the life I have.   A good ...

"What took you guys so long?" my wife asked my Dad and I, as we walked into the kitchen.  Me with an armload of grocery bags. My Dad with his hands as empty as the cupboard where Congress keeps its good ideas.      "I wanted to hurry," my Dad snitched, "but loverboy here was flirting with two young girls."     Raising My Father RaisingMyFather.blogspot.com jimduchene.blogspot.com  Fifty Shades of Funny @JimDuchene    

Back when I was in high school, I dated the girl who would one day become my first wife (let's just call her the Wicked Witch of the West Coast, since she deserves it). As with most high school romances, there were highs and there were lows. There was much passion, and there was much crap I had to take to get to that passion. Sometimes the crap was too much to take, and I'd say, "the hell with it," and break up with her. By coincidence, this was usually just before a gift-giving holiday or anniversary.      On one of those many occasions, I began dating a sweet girl. I'd tell you her name, but I don't want you to see me crying from the memory. She was the nicest, the prettiest, the sweetest-smelling girl I had ever dated, but, alas, before our relationship could develop into anything more serious, my future ex-wife must have noticed how happy I was and couldn't stand it. So she pulled a Roe Versus Wade on my relationship by winning me back with the one th...

If you think all I do is complain about how my Dad claims my favorite chair like he's Spain and my chair's an undiscovered country, well, you'd be wrong.      This being an almost-Fourth of July Weekend, my wife had the good sense yesterday to send  me to Wal-Mart to buy the few last-minute items we needed to make our cookout for that afternoon a success. I say she had the good sense, because she knew something I didn't... Wal-Mart was going to be  packed!      "Why don't you take your Dad?" she asked me.      "What?"      "Why don't you take your Dad?"      Now I'm starting to understand why "What?" is my dad's favorite question. It's fun to say.      I looked over to my favorite chair in the great room. The one with the perfect view of the big-screen TV. The one that was being occupied by my Dad. He was sitting there, but the TV was o...