RaisingDad

as featured in Desert Exposure Magazine     RaisingDad by Jim and Henry Duchene The Sick Kid “sleeping with a guilty heart”      I walked out of the dentist’s office after getting my teeth cleaned. Because of the pandemic it had been a year or two. Okay, three.      Don’t judge me.      Outside, I could hear children playing. I can’t tell you how sad that made me. You see, for the most part my eight-year-old granddaughter is a typical kid. She lives to play. In fact, we always have to get on her to eat because she’d rather be playing. One time, we stopped at her favorite restaurant, Chick-fil-A. This was before The Great Toilet Paper Shortage when their playgrounds were open. She liked scrambling through their playhouse, making friends. In fact, sometimes she didn’t want to come out at all because she was having so much fun.      “Eat first, play later,” I’d tell her.   ...

as featured in Desert Exposure Magazine   RaisingDad by Jim and Henry Duchene Who’s Laughing Now? “everything’s fine, until it’s not”      Cleanliness is next to godliness.      That’s why, once a month, I take a bath whether I need one or not. This past month, however, I had to give myself an additional scrubbing because my very thoughtful wife scheduled our colonoscopies together.      “Couples who colonoscopy together, stay together,” she assured me.      If it wasn’t for her, I would probably avoid them altogether. Colonoscopies are not my idea of fun, although my younger sister told me she enjoyed hers.       “I don’t want to hear about your sex life,” I kidded her, but I knew what she meant. It’s relaxing to be put under and sleep a worryless slumber. Anyone with kids knows what I mean.      For some, the worst part of a colonoscopy ...

  as featured in Desert Exposure Magazine RaisingDad by Jim and Henry Duchene Green Slimy Stuff “a good breakfast gone bad”      Sometimes, in between all the bad news, I wonder about things. Does the universe go on forever? Can life exist on other planets? Will Tide clean better than the next leading brand?      And then there’s bears.       Why are they so fast?      They’re big, they’re fat, they’re lumbering… how is it they can outrun a human being? An average man running for his life can reach 12 mph. A bear chasing that man can easily catch him at 35. Even Usain Bolt, the world’s fastest man, can’t outrun a bear. Why the discrepancy? Humans were designed for running. Bears, for hibernating up to 8 months out of the year. Just like my ex-wife.      What also doesn’t make sense is how a good morning can turn bad in the blink of an eye. You’ll remember in my la...

   as featured in Desert Exposure Magazine RaisingDad by Jim and Henry Duchene The Sky Is Black! “a glitch in the simulatrix”   It was raining. Not pouring, but steady. I had already let the dogs outside to do their business. They weren't happy, but they do what they're told. My father, on the other hand, is a stubborn old coot. That’s okay. So am I.      He was sitting at the kitchen table. At the HEAD of the kitchen table. You know... MY chair.      "You'll have to skip your walk today, pop," I told him. "It's raining."      "No, it's not," he said.       My father is a man who doesn’t like to be told what to do. It had only rained all night. That morning was no different.      "Of course it's raining," I told him. "Look outside."      "I AM looking outside," he said, not looking outside.    ...