RaisingDad

You... to your wife in bed:      "Wanna fool around?"      "I've got a headache."      The next night:      “Wanna fool around?"      "I'm too tired."      The night after that:      “Wanna fool around?"      "Three nights in a row? What are you? A sex maniac?"     Raising My Father RaisingMyFather.BlogSpot.com JimDuchene.BlogSpot.com  American Chimpanzee @JimDuchene  

I was shopping at a place called Sprouts      It’s a health grocery store, much like Whole Foods. When I was done shopping, and rolling the cart to my truck in the parking lot, I saw a flash of Kool-Aid-colored red hair. It was a young woman—maybe early twenties, maybe late—and she had one leg lifted behind her as she was putting her groceries deep inside of her big SUV. She was attractive, but with makeup she could be pretty.       I couldn't help but check out the view, but, once I passed her, I didn’t look back. Instead, I looked forward, in the direction of my truck...      ...and saw an old guy pushing an empty cart in my direction, toward the grocery store. He was also checking out the view. I went from being 17 back to being my actual age.       “That,” I thought to myself, “is me.”      And I drove off feeling very much like a dirty old man.     Raising M...

Remember back in January when I told you how my father was constantly breaking the shower curtain rod? Well…      "Honey," my wife said to me, again giving me her sweetest smile. "You need to repair the toilet paper holder in dad’s bathroom."      "What?" I said, almost spitting out my coffee.      I would have sprayed it out in a comedic double-take except for two reasons: 1) it’s expensive, and 2) it's delicious. I may be cheap—I mean, frugal—but I also appreciate perfection. Gourmet coffee is too precious a commodity to be wasted trying to be funny.      But I digress...      “Why ?” I asked my lovely wife.      Actually, I knew why. It was my father. Godzilla may have lumbered through downtown Tokyo knocking down skyscrapers, but that giant lizard's got nothing on my father when it comes to breaking things. So, when I asked ...

Life is always an adventure with my father.      An embarrassing adventure.      We were sitting in the waiting area of his doctor's office. One of his many doctors, I might add, and one of his many doctor's appointments. The office was packed, and we found ourselves sitting on opposite sides of the room. Wherever I go, I usually bring a book to read. Either that, or I use my phone to write stories.      Like this one.      The person in the chair next to him heard his name called, and went inside to have his vitals taken. The way he slowly shuffled away from us, I think his vitals were taken from him years ago.      An elderly lady came into the office. Seeing the only chair available, she walked over to sit next to my father.      Just then, my father's name was called.      As the lady was sitting down, my father stood up. ...

There's an old joke that goes:       An elderly man says to his doctor, "Doc, I have this problem.  I keep throwing these silent farts all day long.  (See?  There goes one now) .  I can't help it, doc.  I keep farting and farting, but they make no noise.  ( Oops!  There goes another one.)   I don't know what's wrong with me.  I can throw the most massive farts, and they'll make no sound.  ( Ahhh, that's three in a row.)   What do you think?"      "Well," the doctor says.  "I think you need to have your hearing checked."        Now, I told you that story to tell you this story:        My Dad has his own room.  His room, actually, is in a guest house in the front of our main house.  If it's not called the Father-In-Law House, then it should be.  His room has its o...