RaisingDad

"Did I tell you I almost got a speeding ticket the other day?"      My father hasn't driven in years, so I knew this was his introduction to a joke he wanted to tell me.      "Really, Dad?" I asked him. "What happened?"      "Well," he began, "I was going 65 in a 40-mph zone when a police officer pulled me over. 'Can I see your license?' he wanted to know.      "'I’m sorry, officer,' I told him, 'but it was revoked two years ago when I got busted for drunk driving.'      "'Well,' he said, 'then can you show me your car registration?'      "'I'm afraid not,' I said. 'You see, I stole the car and killed the driver.'      "'YOU KILLED THE DRIVER?'      "'Yes, and I put him in the trunk.'      "'Don't move and keep your hands where I can see them,' he orde...

When I told you about hurting my neck and back in the last story, what I didn't tell you was my father is quick in advising me to stretch because he's decided he wants to get back into shape and is now an expert in health and fitness.      "To get back into shape," I said, "implies you had to have been in some kind of shape to begin with."      Of course, I said that to myself.      Out loud I told him, "You're right, Dad."      There's a few standard answers I give whenever I talk with my father. One is, "That's nice, Dad." Another is, "Is that right, Dad?" And still another is, "You're right, Dad."      It's not the only fitness advice he's ever given me or any of us. In fact, my brother, who's overweight and not all that bright, was once complaining about not being able to lose weight. Dad told him to...

Last night I had a good night's sleep.      When I woke up this morning, I immediately discovered that I had thrown out my back. How I threw my back out sleeping in my bed is beyond me. My elderly father tells me I should do some stretching exercises. He pretends to stretch at the beginning of his day and at the end. He also supports Bernie Sanders.      "Democrats give us more," he explains.      To be honest, I can't really say I "threw it out," because that would be an exaggeration, but I definitely hurt something back there, so I hung upside down twice on the inversion table I bought for just such an occasion, and that's when I discovered I don't bounce back from hanging upside down the way I used to. My back was better afterward, but the rest of me ached. It was like the last time I went to Disneyland. I rode the various roller coaster rides with my grandson, and ...