Meanwhile, I can't believe that the biggest story on TV or in the newspapers is that it's winter and we're having winter weather. Winter only comes EVERY year. And with winter we get cold weather, snow, and icy roads.
The most interesting story about winter that I've read concerned a man in Fargo, North Dakota. He went into the walk-in freezer where he works to warm up. While the temperature outside was a chilly -40 degrees, inside the freezer it was a scalding -10.
In case you missed it, there was a Velveta Cheese shortage awhile back. Top chefs worldwide were recommending that if you were making nachos, it was okay for you to substitute canned cheese. Personally, I don't believe cheese should come in cans. There's something unnatural about that, much like Pamela Anderson's breasts. I barely trust cheese that comes out of a cow, much less one that comes out of an aerosol can like my spray deodorant.
Enlisted men and women in the military are constantly being hit on by the Generals they're serving under (no pun intended), which adds additional stress to their already stressful jobs of trying not to get killed. Generals, on the other hand, besides their regular duties, have stress of their own, Foremost among them is the constant worry that the enlisted men and women they've had sex with are going to turn them in.
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Pregnant Zooey Deschanel! Engaged! Um... I think you've got that backward, Zooey.
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Miley Cyrus recently admitted she can't spell boyfriend Patrick Schwarzenegger's last name. "I can't spell. Good thing I'm easy."
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The Real Housewives of New Jersey may end because Teresa Giudice is in prison. Bravo says it'll return as soon as ALL the Housewives are in prison.
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Miley Cyrus recently confessed she can't spell boyfriend Patrick Schwarzenegger's last name. "Remember, girls, boys like it when you're stupid."
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Mitt Romney! Drops out of the presidential race! Is it just me, or does the Mitt look like a more attractive Herman Munster?
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Justin Beiber! Apologizes for his bad behavior and his "arrogant and conceited" attitude. "And, by the way, I have a new CD coming out."
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Liam Neeson said he believes America has too many guns. He knows, because almost all of them were used in Taken 3.
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Pregnant Zooey Deschanel! Finally engaged! "See,girls? Getting pregnant DOES work!"
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Ian Somerhalder from Vampire Diaries and Nikki Reed from Twilight are engaged! They vow to stay together, "'till undeath do us part."
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Jamie Lynn Spears! Broke up a fight in a sandwich shop! Will the Britney Spears/Christina Aguilera feud EVER end?
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Idina Menzel! Will sing the national anthem at the Super Bowl! Then she'll sing "Let It Go" in tribute to the NFL's domestic violence policy.
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The Lego Movie! Snubbed by the Oscars! "We didn't want to reward any movie based on a choking hazard," said the Academy.
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Grey Anatomy's Patrick Dempsey! Divorcing! "You don't know how much marriage has interfered with my dating life."
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Lance Bass! And his boyfriend! Engaged! "For our wedding reception, he wants to serve Chicken Alfredo, but me, I want Cream of Sum Yung Gai."
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Miley Cyrus! Goes topless at a Hawaiian beach! Whole world yawns!
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It's official! Bush versus Clinton in 2016! It's deja vu all over again!
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Gasoline! Still not free!
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"Mrs. Trump, did you marry Donald for love or money?" "Both. I LOVE money."
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O.J. Simpson to take time off from looking for his ex-wife's killer to hunt for the person responsible for deflating Tom Brady's footballs.
This Just In! A friend of mine showed up to my Super Bowl party wearing a Dallas Cowboys jersey for some reason.
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"I Put The Seahawks At The One-Yard Line! WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?" -God
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"I Put The Seahawks At The One-Yard Line! WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?" -God
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I saw a little girl crying at my proctologist's office. I guess Bring Your Daughter To Work Day isn't for everybody.
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