RaisingDad

Dizneyland! (this story has been re-imagineered to protect the innocent and not because of any Cease & Desist papers I may have been served)         I love Dizneyland.       I go every chance I get.       My wife and kids, however, have long-since stopped going with me.       "If you're going to let a little thing like embarrassment stop you," I tell them, "you'll never do anything."       When they did go with me back in the day, we'd get in free.       "How?" you ask.       Well, like this: There's ALWAYS a long line at the ticket booth where you pay your entrance fee. While standing in that slow-moving line, I'd complain, loud enough for everybody around me to hear, "I'm hot. Are you hot?" and then, "I don't feel so good," and then, "I hope I'm not contagious."       After standing there ...

The Beginning As The End      Far beyond the reach of Anthea’s reviving rains, the Star-Child hovered in the vastness of space.       A luminous sphere of pure consciousness.       Since parting ways with Elon Musk and Thomas Jerome Newton, it had watched their journey unfold. Its perception unbound by time or distance. From the lunar Monolith’s silent vigil to the Discovery One ’s dusty corridors. From the Nostromo ’s abandoned husk to Anthea’s first tentative droplets. The Star-Child observed it all. A tapestry of determination woven by a human visionary, an alien exile, and an inquisitive AI.      It saw Musk’s relentless detours. Each spark of curiosity igniting possibility. It saw Newton’s quiet resolve. His reunion with Lirien and Kaelis a fragile thread of hope stitched into Anthea’s dying fabric. It saw water flow. Clouds gather. The Antheans lifting their faces to the s...

  My wife and kids refuse to travel with me any more.      "Why?" you ask.      Because I'm a man who enjoys life at a discount.       My wife calls that being cheap, but I'm not cheap... I'm frugal.      We just got back from Dizzyland.  The last time I was there, the LGBT+ were there for Rainbow Weekend. Or it was some law-enforcement convention. I've noticed they both have the same look.      Sadly, next time I'll be going alone.      Still, I'll have fun.      "How?" you ask.      Because, as everybody knows, Dizzyland is the slap-dap-happiest place on Earth. Dizzyland started as the lifelong dream of Walt White, a high-school chemistry teacher who, when he discovered he had cancer, decided to break bad and secure his family's future by cooking and selling crystal meth, and the fortune he made allowed him build Dizzyland...

  I was out of it.       But it wasn't my fault.       Not Really.      My wife woke me up from a perfectly good nap so she could send me to buy our youngest daughter some Asian food from Panda Express. Hard to believe I retired just so I could be my family's personal Uber Eats guy.       By the way, did you know that pandas poop  more  than they eat? It's true, but it's disgusting and I'm digressing...      I don't usually nap, because then I'll have a hard time falling to sleep that night, but we had a big weekend. I went to the funeral of a buddy of mine's father on Friday, a baby shower on Saturday, left the baby shower early to go to a graduation dinner, a swimming party on Sunday, so, yeah, I was pooped.       "Send me a text of what you want," I told my youngest daughter, because, according to my wife I have two faults: not paying attent...

  10      Grok had already deployed the first wave of orbital condensers.      The faint hum of hydro-extractors buzzed in the distance. The sky, once a relentless expanse of ochre, now held the promise of clouds. Thin, gray streaks hinting at the water to come.      Musk wasted no time.       “Grok, let’s unload the first shipment. Thomas, your people need this yesterday.”       The starship’s cargo bay opened. Revealing massive tanks of water harvested from Earth and Martian reserves during their journey. Emergency rations to sustain the Antheans until the condensers could scale up.       Robotic drones whirred to life. Ferrying the tanks to a nearby outpost where Newton had detected faint signs of life. Newton moved with purpose. His alien gait unsteady on his home soil after decades away. His reflective eyes scannin...

I hadn't seen my buddy Maloney for a while.      I retired earlier this year, and he had retired a few years before that, so it was a surprise to run into him and his wife at the mall. So far, we've just kept in touch by sending each other insulting texts.       "My father died," he told me.       I was sorry to hear that. His father was a good guy. I remember running into him at a delicatessen. He was walking out as I was walking in, and he gave me the half of his sandwich he hadn't eaten. Saved me the price of lunch.       These are meaty sandwiches, so half is enough, but before you think I just randomly eat the leftovers of others, the deli thoughtfully cuts them in two, so I'm not getting something someone else has already bitten into.       You might be amused by the name of the sandwich shop. It's called Hello Deli. I was so amused by the name that I came up with the following song paro...