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I Thank, Therefore I Am

  I can't believe it.  There's going to be  so  much food.  I retired earlier this year, so this will be my first Thanksgiving where I don't have to work the day after, and judging by my wife's menu for our upcoming feast it looks like I'm going to spend the entire 4-day weekend digesting.  Heck, I'm still full from   last  year.  But before I sit down to begin my yearly tradition of eating more than anyone else, let me take a few minutes to tell you what I'm thankful for. First off, I'm thankful for holidays. They are the only days out of the year when I can eat what I want. Thanks to the special diet my doctor has me on, I'm only allowed to eat natural foods. That means when I'm hungry I have to go outside and lick a tree. I'm thankful I haven't heard much about the government shutting down again because, as we all know, if you don't hear anything then everything must be all right.  When the government shuts down it comes with more ...

The Lost Simpsons Episode

  The Simpsons  in   “La Ariana De Esa Cantante Es Muy Grande”       Thanksgiving.      A time to be grateful for... Mr. Burns!      Who mistakenly thinks the holiday is a celebration of him.        Mr. Burns: “Ah, Thanksgiving. The day when a grateful Springfield gathers to celebrate my virgin birth."            Cut to:            News Anchor Kent Brockman: “Happy Thanksgiving everybody, as we honor a man I have a deep admiration for. An admiration that grows in direct proportion to the payola I receive.”            Cut to:            Mr. Burns. Observing the Thanksgiving festivities going on around him.        Mr. Burns: “I don’t get it,...