RaisingDad

I was at the pharmacy earlier today.      As I stood in the long, slow-moving line, I smelled someone stepping in line behind me. I turned to look and saw that it was an elderly lady. I had seen her when I first walked into the pharmacy. She was walking through the store v-e-r-y-s-l-o-w-l-y. The scent of her liberally splashed-on perfume moved faster than she did.      Myself, I'm not The Flash by any means, but I walk with a brisk pace. When I have someplace to go, I like to get there, but I must admit that I felt a little ( very little) bit guilty when I saw her standing behind me in line. I had sped right past her going Mach One, actually breaking the sound barrier, although that might have just been all the broccoli my wife insists on feeding me, and gotten in line before her brain probably had time to process it.      Being the good guy that I am (just ask...

Today my wife and I had planned to go shopping.      It's our usual date of the week.      There was a time, pre-kids, when our date would have been something more romantic. Such as a candlelight dinner for two. A walk along the beach. A head free of aches.      Recently one night, as my wife was climbing into bed, I pointed out the two Excedrin Extra Strength tablets on her nightstand that I had left for her.      "What for?" she asked me, confused.      "They're for your headache," I explained.      "Headache?" she said. "I don't have a headache."      Let's just say she won't fall for that trick again. Anyway...      My Dad had been "heeing" and "hawing" at the kitchen table after breakfast, when he decided to annoy me from a different room in the house. He slowly got up and walk...

My Dad walked into the kitchen this morning complaining that his electric tooth brush wasn't working.      Yes, he has a very nice electric tooth brush. A very nice expensive electric tooth brush. One day, my wife and I made the mistake of taking him shopping with us to Costco, and when the cashier was ringing up all of our items, she picked up an electric toothbrush to scan.      "Don't scan that," I told the cashier. "It's not ours."      My wife immediately gave me the old elbow-to-the-ribs routine.      "What?" I said, rubbing my side.      She discreetly nodded in the direction of my father, who was standing next to me. She was trying not to embarrass him, but he wasn't even paying attention. He was busy looking toward the snack bar and trying to decide whether he wanted pizza or a hot dog on his way out.      Immediately, I u...

Remember the brother I told you about? The one who buys expensive gifts, but gets them at a really good (cheap) price?      Well, he and his family came by on New Year's Eve to finally celebrate Christmas with us. He was going to wait until after the holidays to visit, but I made the mistake of saying "free meal," and before I knew it he was at my door. I think this is the fourth Christmas gathering we've celebrated this year.      Anyway, he gave our Dad a single--as in one--shirt for Christmas as a gift from him and his family. He must have still had some stashed away from the fire sale at Macy's where he bought a dozen expensive name-brand shirts for the price of a six-pack.      "I wanted to buy Dad more than one shirt," his wife told my wife, "but he told me, 'What for? Dad doesn't go anyplace.' "      And while that's true, he could at least have splurged for some Joi...

Merry Christmas to me!      Ho, ho, ho, and all that jolly old elf stuff.      An empty house is not a happy place, in and of itself. No, it takes a family to make that house a home, to fill all the nooks and crannies with Christmas joy. For me, my family is what makes my house the happiest place on earth. Even happier than Disneyland.      And they're all here. At home. At least for one night.      Everyone is talking and laughing. The grandkids are running around, laughing, and eating, with the dogs eating what the kids drop on the floor. All of this is what makes life worth living.      As some of us get older, some of us get smarter. Don't sweat the small stuff, because it's all small stuff. And, while you're at it, don't sweat the big stuff either.      When I ask some people how they're doing, n...

Ah, Christmas.      I remember when it would cost me under $100. It would be enough to buy enough gifts for everyone, and I'm talking about nice gifts. Not like the kind my brother gives. He once gave me a shirt that was from a very expensive store, and when I went to return it, the sales person hemmed and hawed and then told me that the shirt was from last season, and they could only give me the sale price, which ended up with ME owing THEM money. But I don't hold grudges.      Anyway...      Then the cost of Christmas warp-speeded into the hundreds. It seems like it was just a few years ago that I could still keep everything under a thousand... now it runs over a thousand. Why? Don't ask me, I just earn the cash and sign the checks.       Well, now that I have taken my parent's place within my family, the cost of Christmas continues to make t...

Watch out, folks, Christmas is just a day or two away.      Myself, I enjoy the holidays. The days are short and cold, and the nights are long and even colder. People are friendly, and, if they can't accomplish that, they  try to be friendly, and, if they can't accomplish that, they try to appear to be friendly. I'll settle for that. I've always said that I'd rather have someone who hates me, but treats me good, than someone who loves me, but treats me bad. The  pretense of gentility is just as good as the real thing, as far as I'm concerned.      As usual, my wife and I are having the family Christmas dinner at our home. My wife likes to have it at our house because, as she says, we can cook whatever we want and invite whomever we want... it's our house. Our family has grown to the point that we have a lot of grandkids and non-family guests.      Th...

I told you, my father wanted a watch for Christmas.      "What does he need a watch for?" I asked my wife. "The only thing he does is watch baseball on TV and eat. The baseball channel is on 24-hours/seven days a week, and his stomach tells him when it's time to eat."      Well, as it turns out, his old one broke and I was coming across as a bit of a jerk. Who was I to deny my father a watch for Christmas? However, I still kept asking the same question: "Why does he need a watch?"      Only I asked it to myself.      My wife, saint that she is, got him the watch he wanted and wrapped it up with a pretty little bow. When he opened his present Christmas morning, I heard a bell ring and was pretty sure a pair of wings were being reserved for her in Heaven.      It's a pretty nice watch, too. Much nicer than the one I wear. Considering I don't wear a watch,...