RaisingDad

Ozombie bin Laden when hell is full the dead will walk the earth I have nightmares. It's been years, and I still have nightmares. It all began with a simple phone call. From the President. And when the President calls, I jump. It's the least I can do for the man who once saved my life in 'Nam. But this particular phone call caught me by surprise. "I want you to go to Pakistan," he told me, smoothly. "You're the only one I can trust to verify that Osama bin Laden is dead." "Of course he's dead," I answered. "We've both seen the video." I paused... and then we both broke up laughing at the same time. Video. What a joke. "And don't worry," he assured me. "Your little, ah, 'problem' in the Middle East has been smoothed over." That's Obama for you. Mr. Smooth. And that's how I found myself back in Pakistan, taking a freight elevator down to the basement where bin Laden's murdered body...

  Abbott & Costello Meet Six Word Horror Stories For Sale. Chainsaw. Only Used Once. ********** His insides… were on… his outsides. ********** Something dripped on her face… blood? *********** She lay motionless. I already knew... ********** "Heard you were dead."  "I am." *********** "..3, 4, better lock the door…" ********** You should have locked the door. ********** They're right in front of you. *********** Cupid's arrow had a poison tip. ********** The setting sun never rose again. *********** Turns out, it wasn't a nightmare. *********** James Corden's coming to your restaurant. ********** A Tremors-inspired Six Word Horror Story: Giant worms. Digging holes. Eating people. ********** Grinning, the clown closed the door. ********** "Howdy, stranger. We've been expecting you." ********** Eat it, before it eats YOU! ********** "Your account shows some unusual activity." ********** Woke up with my kidney missi...

  House of Six Word Horror Stories I want to marry your daughter. ********** "You're lost? Gee, that's too bad." ********** "This meat tastes funny. Where's grandma?" ********** The real monsters live next door. ********** I have my father's eyes. Delicious. ********** Grandpa was tough... and tasted awful. ********** Why do these dates have legs? ********** The zombies started with my eyes. ********** His head hurt... and then exploded. ********** And that man was Jeffrey Dahmer. ********** "I'm dead? Sweet Jesus!" "Guess again." ********** Special Russian Invasion Edition: "I just got my draft notice." ********** Finally, he could pass for human. ********** "Is that a gun?" BANG! "Yes." *********** "Why is the back door open?" *********** "But mommy SAID she'd be back!" *********** Jim Duchene Master Horrologist

Son of Six Word Horror Stories "I'm Ted Bundy. What's  your  name?" ********** Sex. Sex. Sex. Married. No sex. ********** "Honey, mother's moving in with us." ********** My mother-in-law's never leaving. ********** This is just plain good advice: Murder was definitely cheaper than divorce. *********** "Are your parents home? No? Good." ********** Sadly, Baby New Year was stillborn. ********** Trump wins 2028 by a LANDSLIDE! ********** Love was the end of happiness. *********** "Is that a gun he's carrying?" ********** Turns out, it WAS a gun. *********** "Look out! He's got a gun!" ********** Take my word for it… RUN! *********** Who knew runaways were so tasty? ********** The Secret Service reads your tweets. *********** Jim Duchene Master Horrologist  

The Bride of Six Word Horror Stories Bloodstains are so hard to hide. ********** "We should break up." "I'm pregnant." *********** The starving dogs began to feast.  ********** Holy crap... Donald Trump was RIGHT! ********** Is that a lump I feel? ********** The morgue's dead began to rise. ********** "Clown For Hire" —John Wayne Gacy ********** ...content censored by the Chinese government... ********** The leprechaun had such sharp teeth. ********** Santa descended the chimney… …in pieces. *********** For sale. Baby shoes. Don't ask. ********** The babysitter's red lips dripped blood. *********** Gas. Inflation. Willie Nelson. All high. ********** "Hi, I'm Pennywise. What's for dinner?" *********** "Don't worry, I'm a FRIENDLY clown." ********** Should've known werewolves couldn't be housebroken. *********** Jim Duchene Master Horrologist  

Six Word Horror Stories Yay! The weekend!" *blink*  "Aieee! Monday!" ********** Smiling, the clown locked the door. ********** A thousand followers—POOF!—gone overnight. ********** So lost. Who's that behind me?  ********** And the groundhog predicted: No Survivors! ********** Dead lips curl into a smile. ********** "Do not be afraid," they lied. ********** For Sale. Fresh Meat. No Questions. ********** "This is not your Captain speaking." ********** Party's over. Why won't they leave? ********** That fetus you aborted... …it survived. ********** "Yes, Virginia, there IS a Pennywise." ********** John Lennon to Paul, George, & Ringo: "Me and Yoko got married, mates." ********** It's April Fools!  Yep, you qualify . ********** No pizza and beer in Hell. ********** I stole her heart. Quite literally. ********** My smart phone gave me cancer. *********** Jim Duchene Master Horrologist

  You know what's scarier than Halloween?       Dating.       But do you know what's scarier than dating?       Dating when you're older.      My father is a widowed pre-Alzheimer's diagnosed geriatric, so this column is about: The Top Ten Things My Father Would Do Before A Date 10. Take a nap. 9. Wash off the fishy smell of Preparation H. 8. Try to remember who he's taking out. 7. Massage his prostate to ease the swelling. 6. Massage his prostate because it feels good. 5. Shave back, comb eyebrows, trim nostrils, and pluck the hair growing out of his ears. 4. Do stretching exercises so he won't pull a muscle later just in case he... well... you know. 3. Don't forget his Gas-X. 2. Apply acne medication... ON HIS ASS! And the number one thing he'd do before a date is: 1. On his way to pick her up, stop somewhere to take a dump.      So you know what's scarier than Halloween?     ...