RaisingDad

Our father walked into the kitchen for breakfast and he was shaking in his rubber-bottomed socks.      “I just had a HORRIBLE nightmare,” he told me, his voice trembling.      “What is it, pop?” I asked him.      I was honestly concerned.      “I dreamt that your brother got the Caronavirus.”      “And the horrible part was that he died?”      “No, the horrible part was that he LIVED!”       Raising My Father RaisingMyFather.BlogSpot.com JimDuchene.BlogSpot.com. American Chimpanzee @JimDuchene   

as featured in Desert Exposure Magazine    I wasn't planning on writing a story for our issue dedicated to the noble turtle. My daughter submitted a whimsical tale for the occasion and I thought that was enough of a family representation. Plus, turtles have never been much of a muse for me. My granddaughter on the other hand... We were at the beginning of The Great Toilet Paper Shortage of 2020, and I was taking my granddaughter to visit with my sister. She lives in the house my parents owned, the one I grew up in.      Across the street is an elementary school where I got into all kinds of shenanigans as a kid. I wouldn’t say my friends and I were troublemakers, but, if there was trouble, we were usually around. Sadly, there’s a chain link fence surrounding the school now, so the playground was inaccessible.      “Inaccessible,” my granddaughter repeated. “What’s that?”      “That mean...

Back before The Great Toilet Paper Shortage of 2020, I needed to pass some time when I was out and about, so I stopped into a Starbucks and asked for their Wi-Fi password.      “You have to buy something first,” the barista told me.      After paying for my order, he handed me receipt.      “The password’s on the receipt,” he said as he handed it over.      The password was: “UHave2BuySomething1st!”       RaisingDad RaisingMyFather.BlogSpot.com JimDuchene.BlogSpot.com   American Chimpanzee @JimDuchene   

I was packing my bags, getting ready to leave for the airport when I got the text: “I’m here for you.”      “Thanks,” I wrote back. “Yeah, it’s a bad situation with my father, but I’m sure it will be okay. I just wish the doctor would have some good news for a change. The series of enemas my father has to go through to treat his impacted bowels isn't going to be any fun, but what can I do? The doctor warned me to prepare myself. I asked him how bad it was going to be, since my dad will be treated at home. He said it would be "explosive." And "messy." And who's going to have to clean it up? Me. He's my dad, so I can't leave it for my wife to do. Anyway, thanks for your support, but I've gotta go now. I’m waiting for my Uber driver.”      “I AM your Uber driver,” came the reply, "and I'm here for you."       RaisingDad RaisingMyFather.BlogSpot.com JimDuchene.BlogSpot.com   American Chimpanzee @JimDuchene ...

Technology is for the young.      Although we all have smart phones in my household, even my elderly father, we really don’t know how to use them. If I do ten percent of what my phone is able to do, I’d be surprised.      The other day I left the house to run a few errands, but forgot my phone. No problem. It made for a day of less distractions. When I got back, I found that someone had thoughtfully placed it on my nightstand, but I didn't know who.      When I checked the messages, there was one from my father, who NEVER texts me. It said: “Don’t worry, I found your phone. It’ll be on your nightstand when you get back.”       RaisingDad RaisingMyFather.BlogSpot.com JimDuchene.BlogSpot.com. American Chimpanzee @JimDuchene   

Our father starts his series of enemas this week.       That’s no fun under any circumstances.       Remember that big red rubber enemy bag our parents used to have? Now, do you remember it ever being cleaned or sterilized?       I don’t.        I remember that I learned very early on not to complain about any stomach issues I might have had. I also remember dad reminiscing with mom once when they were about to use it on our younger brother when we were kids. I came in on the tail end of the conversation, no pun intended.       He said, “And when the doctor said to hang it upside down we thought he meant Henry, so we hung him upside down from the clothesline in the backyard and all the liquid went straight to his head and it filled up like a balloon. His head never shrunk back to the same size, did it? And all our neighbors and the neighborhood kids came by to laugh at him. Now that I ...

Our father asked me if the Coronavirus was a flesh-eating bacteria.      I told him, “No, Henry always looks like that.”       RaisingDad RaisingMyFather.BlogSpot.com JimDuchene.BlogSpot.com @JimDuchene